


ABYSS

by writingcreature



Series: The-Aftermath-Series [13]
Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coda, Coda for Episode 10.07, Episode Fix-it, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Trauma, episode coda, mcdanno
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-01-30 07:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21424318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingcreature/pseuds/writingcreature
Summary: This plot differs from what we saw on the screen. Danny will have a bigger part in all this, it is the main reason I wrote this coda for episode 10.07. I needed a bigger chunk of McDanno, more than just the scene in the ending. Sorry, my muse demands, what my muse demands.Man, had he been livid when Steve had told the team the only way to get his mother out of Mexico was to fly solo during an undercover op. And Steve had been upset with Danny for leaving the hospital on his own accounts. Just a few days after he'd been clipped in the left leg in a massive shoot out during a bank robbery. Little did Danny care. Stuff that involved Doris always meant trouble. In his imagination, he'd seen a girl circling a boxing ring holding up a sign saying "TROUBLE" while the audience went wild. Only this time, he hadn't had enough imagination. Doris had cornered herself so badly during this undercover op that they would've needed Scotty to beam her up.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett & Danny "Danno" Williams, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Series: The-Aftermath-Series [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/876642
Comments: 46
Kudos: 100





	1. Steve

Steve sat on the couch in his lonely hotel room. He'd closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. Surrounded by darkness, cold, empty, battered, bruised, defeated, alone. His memory shredded into pieces. He was no longer sure what had really happened and what was a bizarre construct of his imagination. The only authentic thing in his life, or what was left of it, was the throbbing pain in his shoulder. He held the orange bottle of painkillers in his uninjured hand but refrained from taking any. He wanted to feel the pain. He wanted to feel it and embrace it. It was his last resort before the numbness took hold of him and swallowed him completely.

A single tear stole itself from the corner of Steve's eye. He felt Doris' touch still burning against his cheek. The taste of copper and cordite lingered in the back of his throat, and the harder he tried to swallow, the stronger it became. His stomach heaved; Steve retched. He kept his head in place, and his eyes closed. An inarticulate sound escaped his throat. The bottle of pills landed on the floor as he unclenched his fists only to clench them again until his knuckles went white.

Steve didn't want to open his eyes. He knew that if he did, he would see the blood on his hands. Doris' blood. He'd scrubbed them over and over again during the past few days. But still… they felt sticky. His heartbeat accelerated. Panic rose in him. Steve bit his lower lip until he drew blood.

"I'm-I'm sorry, and I love you, I do, but I-I can't cosign this pathology."

His own words echoed in his ears. Love, a strong word. Just as strong as hate. Steve huffed out a breath. He wished he could cry. Oh, how he wished he could cry. The lump in his throat was about to choke him. But the moment Doris took her last breath, he'd closed down. He'd buried his emotions under a pile of anger and disappointment.

"Stop thinking about yourself for one second, and think about my loss. A government that I gave everything to that has raked every shred of good out of me for its own benefit. A family that never understood me for the sacrifices I made for them!"

"You never made those sacrifices for us, Ma."

Steve wasn’t sure what he'd wanted to hear, but these… these weren't the words. He'd boarded the emotional rollercoaster the moment he'd started this journey. He'd known that it would be far from a walk in the park. But he hadn't thought it would be impossible, and, that in the end, everything would fall apart. His Adam's apple jumped as he swallowed past the lump that was or was not about to burst. Though he was scared, Steve dug deeper into his mind.

He recalled the moment he and Shelburne had met for the first time. Then his thoughts jumped to a moment when he and Mary watched their father sitting on his bed, photographs scattered all over the place. John picked them up in no particular order and stared at them. In between, he took swigs from a bottle of beer; the longer he kept on with it, the more tears were streaming down his face. At some point, Steve had taken Mary by her little hand and left the house.

Another jump, and he found himself yelling into the phone after Victor Hesse had pulled the trigger and shot his dad point-blank. An ice-cold hand clutched at his heart.

"No, Doris. You have no idea what you have done to your family. You sent your husband on a wild goose chase for your murder. You turned him into a driven man whose only purpose in life became the revenge of his wife's fake death. You made him send away his kids because he thought they would be safer far away from him. But it didn't save your husband's life. He died on the floor of his own living room. All the pain you inflicted on your loved ones for… for nothing."

Steve felt a wave of emotion crash down on him. He held up. Even then, when a cacophony of images flooded his mind. Mary growing into a troubled but beautiful young woman, a young Steve McGarrett, a guitar in his hand in front of an audience, an older Steve McGarrett leaving his best friend behind in a hail of bullets far from home. Freddie, his brother in arms. An embittered smile crossed his lips. And not too long ago, Joe White. His fatherly friend, he'd trusted with his life but who also played a part in the whole Shelburne charade.

"Wow, Steve McGarrett, you’ve left a memorable trail of bodies behind you. And given the latest events, the body count is still rising," Steve mumbled.

He pressed the heel of his hand into his right eye. A monstrous migraine was on the rise. It cost Steve a huge effort to get up. His maltreated body hurt in places he didn't even know they existed. And when he lay down on the bed, fully dressed, he thought, "I'm getting too old for this fucking shit."


	2. Danny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Danny remembers Montana, it is meant as a reference to my story Scarred (it differs from the original version).

Carefully, Danny opened the door of the hotel room, taking care that it didn't fall shut with a bang. As Steve hadn’t answered his calls, he suspected that he'd fallen asleep. Danny leaned on his cane and limped inside their room. His leg was killing him. Even kicking off his shoes was a challenge. He still could hear his doctor's scolding voice when he signed himself out of the hospital as soon as Steve had told him about the meeting with Mr. CIA.   
  
As he entered the central part of their room, Danny took a long gaze at Steve. His partner looked like death warmed over. The part of his face that wasn’t covered by the beard was pale; Steve's cheeks were sunken. Danny bet the stubborn mule hadn't had a decent meal since he left Hawaii. Danny sent his leather jacket flying to the couch. Then, gathering all the strength, he could muster, gripped the wingback chair, and pulled it to Steve's side, still holding his cane.   
  
He immediately regretted the decision as pain shot through his leg and up his spine, reaching his brain at lightspeed. Danny cursed himself inwardly while he made some final adjustments to the chair. He blew out a breath of relief as soon as he'd settled himself. Once his body was no longer in motion, the pain subsided. There he sat next to his partner and watched him sleep. Of course, he could've climbed into the bed to join him. It wouldn’t be the first time they lay next to each other. But Danny didn't want to wake him up. The past few days had cost Steve so much. He deserved some hours of undisturbed sleep.   
  
They had only exchanged brief words with each other since their arrival in Washington. Danny felt reminded of the days after Joe's death. It wasn't that long ago since… Montana. They hadn't talked a lot to each other back then, either. For Danny, then as now, just being there for Steve was important. And Steve appreciated that. How much more could his friend take? Of course, his connection to Doris was neither close nor full of love. Mother and son, as he knew it from his family, had not really existed with the McGarretts.  
  
On his way back to the hotel, Danny had thought about calling Steve's sister Mary but decided against it. It wasn't on him to make this call unless Steve asked him to do it.   
  
"Oh, my bad," Danny thought. "Hell will freeze over before Steve McGarrett asks for help from anyone."  
  
Man, had he been livid when Steve had told the team the only way to get his mother out of Mexico was to fly solo during an undercover op. And Steve had been upset with Danny for leaving the hospital on his own accounts. Just a few days after he'd been clipped in the left leg in a massive shoot out during a bank robbery. Little did Danny care. Stuff that involved Doris always meant trouble. In his imagination, he'd seen a girl circling a boxing ring holding up a sign saying "TROUBLE" while the audience went wild. Only this time, he hadn't had enough imagination. Doris had cornered herself so badly during this undercover op that they would've needed Scotty to beam her up.   
  
If someone is undercover for such a long time, it often happens that they lose their focus. For Danny, Doris lost her focus a long time ago. She probably never had any or not as far as it concerned her family. Otherwise, she wouldn't have faked her death and left John alone with their two kids. Danny felt sorry for John. He could rely on him as a father and as a cop. Doris must've put up a hell of a show that her husband never suspected anything. Leading a double life with two kids and a cop in the same household… Danny shuddered.   
  
Maybe this had been another reason he'd met with Doris' handler. Aside from talking about the further procedure, Danny had asked to take a look at her body in the morgue, which earned him a strange look from SSA Romero. He did his best to explain he was not morbid or a necrophile. He just feared that, for unknown reasons, she could've faked her death again. So he wanted to be sure that she was in one of the cooling chambers and not anywhere else. This time, she was really dead.   
  
Danny also made sure that the CIA kept its word and didn't issue reprisals of any kind against Steve or the team. In writing. However, SSA Romero didn't hand over the documents with the greatest enthusiasm. Yes, Danny knew he could be persistent as hell. But better safe than sorry. Unfortunately, it would be a while before Steve could bring his mother home. It would also mean that they had to return to D.C. at some point. Something he wasn't really looking forward to. He'd hoped that Steve could find closure after this horror trip by putting his mom to rest someplace in Hawaii.   
  
Only now, Danny realized that the room around him had grown dark and that his stomach sounded like an angry wolf. Luckily, the phone and lamp were within reach because at the moment he didn't know how to get out of the chair without causing himself excruciating pain. Since he was in the mood, he ordered two steaks, medium rare, with vegetables and fries for him and Steve. The nice lady on the other end of the line told him it would take approximately half an hour or so.   
  
"Anything else we can do for you, Sir? Some alcohol, perhaps? We have an excellent selection of local beers." she asked.  
  
"Yeah, some lagers would be nice and also two big bottles of water. Thank you." Danny replied, then hung up.  
  
Though he'd kept his voice low, Steve still stirred. Danny feared he'd woken him up. Steve's eyelids fluttered open briefly, but he went back to sleep immediately.  
  
"Sleep," Danny thought. A rare thing over the past few weeks. Emotionally, he should be in a coma by now. But somehow, he was too riled up to find sleep for himself. Or he'd gotten used to not sleeping.   
  
All those nights he'd spent with Junior trying to find a trace of Steve. They had also turned to Harley to do some not quite legal things, like tapping satellites, hacking into secret files at the Pentagon, and whatever else you do when your best friend suddenly does the Houdini after a significant part of his plan had gone south.   
  
Everyone on the team had done their best to help. Even Quinn, whom Steve had brought on board shortly before, demanded a few favors from some of her former colleagues.  
  
Aside from all this, the task force had to continue working on their cases. Lou, Quinn, Tani, and Adam did that. Though it wasn't always easy, they did a good job covering up what was going on behind the scenes.  
  
It cost all of them a lot of effort, sweat, nerves, but above all, patience, until they succeeded eight weeks later. Meanwhile, Danny had exchanged his crutches for a cane. And now it was on him to call in probably one of the biggest favors. He reached out to Emilio Soledad. A wealthy businessman who owed Danny his life and those of his family. He would need him for safe passage to Mexico. Because the original routes were all under heavy surveillance, thanks to the stunt, Steve had involuntarily pulled.


	3. Let's bring them home

Danny moved slightly in his chair. His leg was giving him hell.

Hell… reminded him of the trip he, Junior, Mike, and Ethan had to take to get into Mexico. His call with Emilio went smoothly; the businessman didn't ask too many questions.

"Of course, Señor Danny. It is an honor and a pleasure to help you. Whatever I can do, it won't be enough as I will be forever in your debt."

"Lucky me," Danny thought after he'd ended the call. Emilio promised to reach out to him within the next twenty-four hours with all the details.

He probably had thought twice about how lucky he was. The road to Mexico would not only be long and exhausting but, above all, very cold. Emilio owned a small restaurant chain, so he had the idea of putting the four men in a refrigerated truck. In addition to the unpleasant feeling of sitting amidst frozen halves of cattle, Danny would also have to deal with his claustrophobia.

After the foursome had settled themselves in a corner of the truck behind a false wall, they sat in silence for some time until Danny rose to speak.

"Hey guys, thanks for joining us on this "save Steve and his mom mission," he addressed Mike and Ethan, both SEALs like Junior.

"We all know what's at stake for us, and we could all end up in prison or worse," Danny added and grimaced.

The bumpy ride wasn’t exactly what the doctor had ordered.

"Detective, it’s an honor for us, and as you know, it’s not our first tango as a tag team," Mike said, a tired smile on his lips.

"Please, call me Danny." The truck rumbled across a stony path now, and the four of them got pretty rattled. The blonde detective cursed.

"Hey, Danny, you okay?" Junior asked, worried, while all of them tried to grab some hold for balance.

"If I say no, would it change a thing? We're already on the road to hell," Danny replied through clenched teeth.

"My man," Ethan quipped and patted Danny's shoulder. "Heard you took one for the team a few weeks ago during a bank heist."

Finally, Danny found a sitting position that caused him less pain, at least for the moment.

"Yep. The idiot was aiming at my head. Lucky me, he'd been either high as a kite or suffered from Parkinson’s," Danny stated dryly.

Mike huffed out a laugh and shook his head, "Not the best backup during a heist."

Ethan nodded in acknowledgment.

They kept on with the banter. It helped to cope with what lay ahead of them and made the atmosphere in the truck more relaxed for some time, despite the chill.

When the truck came to a halt, they immediately cut their conversation. They'd reached the border. Someone was barking orders. They held their breath when the door of the truck's cargo bay was opened. They witnessed a heated discussion between the customs officer and the driver. Shit, had Emilio fucked up? The debate became louder and louder; the tension among the four men grew almost immeasurable.

They all understood only fractions of the conversation. But the customs officer was about to order a search of the truck as another man joined them. This guy called his colleague off, apologized to the driver, and told him that he could continue the journey undisturbed. The four men behind the fake wall let out a collective sigh of relief.

A few hours later, they reached their destination and climbed off the truck. Emilio had organized a place for them. Nothing fancy, just an old shack where they could crash after their long journey before they headed after Steve. Though they were eager to retrieve him, they decided to rest for a while.

Danny, Junior, Mike, and Ethan spent the following day planning their next steps and updating their intel with some more help from Emilio. Or rather, his brother, Jorge, who was running their family business on location. Of course, they still had to coordinate their information with Steve as soon as they met with him. But one thing was already clear. Alone, it was almost impossible to save Doris from the clutches of the cartel. Provided she wanted to be rescued at all because Danny already had significant doubts about that.

Jorge Soledad stopped by during the day with some boxes of food and beverages. He saw the gloomy faces and wanted to know what was going on. Danny brought him up to speed.

"Señor Danny," Jorge said, "we have a security company at hand. Reliable man. I am sure for some extra money they will provide you with the necessary firepower."

Danny, Junior, and the other SEALs exchanged looks.

"Jorge, you and your brother have done so much for us. We have no right to risk the lives of anyone else," Danny said.

Jorge shook his head, "Señor Danny, I do not know much about what you are up to. But we're all suffering under the cartel’s rule. If there is even the slightest chance of improving our situation, then my people and I must do something. Name the date and place, and we will be ready. Do not worry about money. We have it covered."

Before Danny could utter a proper reply, Jorge was out the door.

"This whole thing is becoming bigger than we thought," Ethan said.

"Not sure if Steve will be okay with it," Junior threw in.

"Frankly, I don't care if Steve is okay with it," Dany blurted out. "So far, his 'plan' has more holes than swiss cheese. We need all the help we can get. Going up against a cartel… We caught the short end of the stick, anyway. We are on foreign soil. Full immunity and means aren’t going to help us. And you guys run the risk of being court-martialed and dishonorably discharged."

"With all due respect, Danny, Mike, and I are well aware of what's at stake for us, but if we weren't willing to take that risk, we wouldn't have agreed to it."

"Same goes for me," Junior said.

Danny swallowed, then spoke in a lower voice than before, "I know, we're all in the same boat. And I appreciate what you guys are doing. I hope we get out of all this together, alive. I'm more worried about Steve. No matter the outcome, he is so deep into this thing."

"You… you mean he could go dark?" Junior asked, worried.

"Who wouldn't? After all, he's been through. Eight weeks in this hell hole, all by himself…" Danny inhaled sharply. Meanwhile, Mike had fetched bottles of beer for all of them and handed them out.

Danny raised his bottle in a toast and said, "Let's bring him and Doris home."


	4. Danny & Steve

Danny ran in circles in their safe house. He knew Steve hadn't been happy when he learned Danny had initiated a rescue mission along with Junior and the SEALs. Let alone recruited the help of locals.

However, after some lengthy discussion, he'd agreed to it, and they worked out a joint plan to get Doris out of the crosshairs and as far away from the cartel as possible.

The plan wasn't perfect, but it was as close as they could get. Danny took a look at his watch; his friends were long overdue. He regretted that he wasn't with them. Due to his injury, however, it would have been more than unreasonable to join them.

Danny's worst nightmare came true when Steve, Junior, and the SEALs returned. The devastated looks on their faces, coupled with Steve’s bloodied hands and clothes, spoke volumes.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Danny muttered as he led Steve to the couch. His friend was shaking like a leaf, his face bare of all emotion. Danny wasn't even sure Steve knew where he was.

"Hey babe, come, sit down. I'll be right back, okay?" Danny spoke in a calm voice while he gently pushed Steve onto the couch and then headed over to Junior and the SEALs.

"Guys, what the hell happened?" He demanded. The three men gave him a quick rundown. After they were done, Danny threw a worried glance at his partner. In no way was this the outcome anyone had expected.

While the other three took care of Doris' body, Danny took care of Steve. He helped him to get rid of the bloody clothes, made him shower, and dressed his wounds, except for the slug in Steve's shoulder. For that, Danny summoned a doctor.

The only thing Steve repeated over and over again was, "She's dead, Danny, she's gone. I… I wanted to help her, but all I did was watch her die."

Each time, Danny shushed him and reassured him that it hadn't been his fault, that Doris had written the last chapter in her life a long time ago by herself. And that there was nothing he could've done to save her.

When it was time for bed, Danny tucked Steve in and made to leave for his own bedroom.

But Steve took hold of his partner's wrist and said, "Please, Danny, don't… don't leave. I don't want to be alone."

It was the first whole sentence Danny had heard from Steve today that wasn’t self-recrimination.

Danny sat down on the edge of the bed, "No worries, I'm not going anywhere." He took Steve's cold hand between his and squeezed it gently.

"Thank you, buddy," Steve replied and squeezed back.

They sat awhile in awkward silence. In the other room, Junior, Mike, and Ethan were packing their stuff as they were leaving the next morning.

It was Steve who broke the silence, "This… This woman, Carmen, she… she just stabbed Doris… I mean mom… Carmen just rammed her knife into… you know. And all I could do was… was watch. I… I just stood there… I… I didn't even… and then Junior came and fired until this… this Carmen…" His voice trailed off; he swallowed hard. "Danny, I wish I could cry. I wish I could shed tears over my m… Doris' death. But… I… I can't. Does that make me a… bad son?"

Danny squeezed Steve's hand a little harder and shook his head, "No, Steve, no. I told you it wasn't your fault. We all deal with grief in different ways. Please stop blaming yourself, babe. If you were a bad son, you wouldn't have cared about her fate, and we wouldn't be here now. We would be sitting on the lanai back at home, drinking Longboards."

"Home? Danno, you just said home," Steve said with a faint sparkle in his eyes.

"I know. Of course, I said home," Danny quipped. "Or should I keep calling it pineapple-infested hell hole?"

A smile flashed over Steve's face. And vanished the next moment, like he wouldn’t allow himself to be happy.

"Hey, babe," Danny nudged him softly, "it’s okay to smile. It’s okay to keep on living."

"I know, Danno. I know. It… It just doesn't feel right," Steve scratched his beard thoughtfully.

"One might think I’m cursed, all these people dying around me… Danny, maybe you should…"

"Would you stop with this nonsense?" Danny cut him short. "You aren't cursed. You're a victim of unfortunate circumstances."

Steve barked out a bitter laugh.

"No, Steven, seriously. You and I know better than anyone else that it was just a matter of time before… you know. Doris was living on borrowed time. You've saved her, sorry… you know… more than once." They held each other's gaze.

"Borrowed time…" Steve repeated softly. Danny nodded. "I know I should feel sad and…" Steve kept on, "and I swear, I try. Hard… but instead… I feel nothing, but… emptiness. A void. And beneath this void, I feel angry. There… there… I wanted to ask Doris so many things. Before Carmen… you know… this is a fucking nightmare, Danny. I have nowhere to turn to. It seems like those who died took a part of my memories with them. I am sure that there are things I couldn’t remember, but they could. And now, I will never learn about these things because everyone is gone. They all left… " Steve's eyes teared up.

Danny reached up and cupped Steve bearded cheek in his hand, "Babe, I promise you, here and now, I won't leave. We will create new memories. Good ones. And I am sure Gracie and Charlie will help us with that. You're far from being alone. And I guarantee you; you will wish you were alone at some point."

Steve leaned into Danny's touch. A single tear rolled down his cheek as he mouthed, "Thank you."

H50H50H50

Someone knocked at the door of the hotel room, a little harder than necessary. And they could hear the muffled words, "Room service" through it.

Danny was about to peel himself out of the wingback chair, but Steve was faster.

"I got it," he said and jumped out of bed, heading straight to the door.

Five minutes later, Steve had put the sling away and was wolfing down the steak. Danny didn't say anything while he enjoyed the meal as much as he could. It was good that Steve's appetite was back. At least, for now. He knew that in the future, Steve would have his good days and his bad days.

"What?" Steve asked, a little smile on his lips."

Danny shook his head, "Nothing…."

Steve nodded, "Ah, nothing, hm, wasn’t it you who told me about making new memories?"

Danny rolled his eyes, "Watching you eat like a Neanderthal is a not the memory I had in mind."

Steve took a swig from his lager. As he put the bottle back on the table, his face took on a serious expression, "Danny, I can't tell you how much this means to me."

"What, dinner?"

"Not just the dinner. I mean, you come all the way to Mexico, injured, with the boys in tow. And you are staying with me all the time. Though you have your kids back home waiting for you."

Danny gave him a cute smile in return, "The kids send you tons of hugs and kisses. We FaceTimed a few hours ago, and I showed them the Lincoln Memorial. They can't wait to have you back. Charlie made a beautiful drawing for you. And Gracie wants to show you her new prom dress."

Steve picked up his bottle of lager, raised it, and said, "A toast to making new memories."

Danny repeated, "A toast to making new memories."

**FADE TO BLACK - END CREDITS**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge THANK YOU to my co-pilot @adaywithcoffee. Thanks for having my back, for being so inspirational and for anything else...


End file.
